I was asked by co-worker last week what I look for in a man, and he made me think deeply and specifically. I figured, this is a great topic to blog about. When I told him what I look for in a future spouse, I was waiting for him to tell me what I am usually told, which is the following but not limited to:
“Oh Diana, you’re so picky!”
“Nobody is perfect.”
“You aren’t getting any younger.”
“When are you going to have a baby?”
“You need to be open-minded”
“Try online dating. It works for some people.”
If anything, he supported my thoughts and told me to wait until what I’m looking for presents itself.
This is a first. #shocked
Once you are almost 30 and have no prospects of getting married anytime soon, people assume that you don’t want marriage, that you have some type of addiction that prevents you of any “stable relationship”, or that you are a complete snob. If that’s the case, that is news to me, and is pretty audacious of someone to assume that of the general population in my age-bracket and relationship status. Oh, and, I beg to differ.
I would rather remain single for the rest of my life (a bold statement, I know) than “settle” or feel like I have settled because I don’t want people to keep telling me that, “I’m not getting any younger” or to fulfill a timetable of expectancy for ‘happiness’. Although I want to be a married person, and I want to have kids, (and I wonder if I will ever obtain those dreams,) I won’t cheat myself or convince myself to fulfill that for the wrong reasons. Maybe I’m being spiteful to prove a point, but someone has to do it. Maybe I’m naïve to NOT believe that a successful life is accomplished when a list of "accomplishments" are reached by age 30, for example. If that’s so, I boldly and unapologetically disagree.
So, prepare yourself to enter my mind and my current list of what I find to be important and attractive qualities in a man.
My List
What I Look For In A Man—According to Diana:
What is attractive and what I look for in a man?
1. Humble Intelligence—being smart yet not looking down on anyone. They can see the good in anyone, educated or not, and do not put themselves above any race, class, or person. They can learn from anyone from any walk in life and are open to the perspective of others.
2. Big-hearted—He can see a need and meet it. He sees a hungry man on the street and offers him a sandwich. He is someone who looks outside of himself and is willing to make a difference, big or small.
3. Respectful—He treats everyone with respect and kindness. He treats his Mom like gold, opens doors for women and others, and has clean comments. He won’t degrade me as women, call me “hot” or tell me what he wishes he could do to me (ew), but treats me and others (especially women) with grace, kindness, and with importance. He sees beyond the exterior and appreciates the inner-beauty of individuals, especially of me.
4. Has Principles—He is willing to stand up for what is right and not being apathetic of the effects of his stance. He is more worried about doing what is right than doing what is easy. I would not have to worry about him being shady or seeing what he can “get away with”. I would look to him to know what to do when I come to a cross-road or a hard decision because I know his opinion would be based on principle and doing the right and moral thing.
5. Willing to Try New Things—I embrace differences in taste and interests, yet, he would be as willing to try what I like as I would try what he likes. What matters is spending time together and learning about each other. That doesn’t mean we are attached at the hip, but, it means every now and then, he would go with me to see a movie from the 1930’s even if he hates black and white movies, and I would go to his event of choice that he wants me to be a part of even if I would rather kiss a toilet seat. It doesn’t have to be every week or month, but, it is fun sharing in something you are passionate about with your significant other. There is nothing as unattractive as a snobby boyfriend/husband. #saidthegirlwhosneverbeenmarried #ihaveseenmyshareofunhappymarriages #thisismylistremember?
6. Does Little Things to Show He Cares—He would remember things I said in passing or in conversation which shows he cares and listens. He would find ways to let me know he’s thinking of me and that doesn’t have to cost money. What I would love? Hand-written letters. Random surprises.
7. Works Hard—He does his best in all his efforts. It doesn’t mean he is the best at everything, it just means he puts his heart into every project and every job. It just shows that he will be a good Father, provider, and example.
8. Loves God—He is not afraid to talk about God or to share his thoughts on the topic. I don’t mean preach to people who don’t want to talk about religion, it just means that his belief in God is integrated in his life and I won’t have to ask myself, “what does he believe?” because I will just see it in his daily actions and persona.
9. Makes Me Feel Beautiful—He looks at me differently than other people and treats me differently. He will see in me what goes unnoticed by the world around me. He will support my dreams, ambitions, and believe in me, which will only make me feel beautiful. He will see my outer beauty and will see my inner beauty. I will see it in his eyes, and in his behavior.
10. Deep Conversation—we can have conversations about anything and the conversations are anything but superficial. We can talk about the taboo things in life, and search ourselves and even differ on topics, yet respect one-another’s opinion, listen, and swap thoughts and perspectives. We are stimulated by our discussions and respect each other’s opinion.
I’m still working on my list and figuring out what matters to me, and although it may seem impossible to find what I’m looking for, I really don’t think it’s too much to ask.
I’ll keep working on being the person I want and working on my imperfections, yet, I embrace the single person within.
This is my life, and I am not going to wish for a different one.
Hasta la proxima,
Diana
