The Love of God

I'm not sure if I'm spoiled, lucky, blessed, one or all of the above because I can truly see how the desires of my heart are being fulfilled through a loving Father in Heaven. He really has been looking out for me in ways that I really do not feel that I deserve. It really helps one's belief in God to become solidified and more concrete, at least for me.

I had decided months ago that I should stick around Provo and make the money at work which is a blessing and a half to say the least...but...we all worry about money, income, bills, rent, you name it we worry about it. I, sad to say, am not much different from the rest of the world, although sometimes I think I am. So, I decided that I'd stay and make the money save up for next semester's tuition and sacrifice in that way. When I'd vocalize my Christmas plans I'd always get a "ew, I can't believe I am staying" thought/feeling but would try to cover up the disappointment with a slightly positive remark after, "It'll be okay, i'll be busy". Ew. Who am I kidding? The Lord continued to take care of me, though.

I'd have to walk to and from every destination, being without groceries and without a car is LAME. One of the most amazing girls I have met this semester from Italy named Giulia -- has the best accent ever, mind you....well, she let me borrow her car and I've been feelin' blessed in that way as well. At least being here in town while everyone else is with their families, I get to go wherever I want when I want. I've visited: Wal*mart, Deseret Book, and Little Cesar's pizza....go me.

My lovely Mother...every time we have talked on the phone and texted for the last month has asked me to come home and I would always respond with, "Mom, I want to but I have all these shifts, it'll be impossible for them to be covered with such late notice", she said she understood and then I'd realize that I did this to myself...

Hearing Christmas songs when you won't go home is like putting salt on a slug...the reaction? Your insides come out...it just doesn't help. I'll Be Home for Christmas...*sigh* I finally realized last night driving around (with Giulia's lovely car--thank you mucho) how money is not worth it. Nothing is worth more than family during the holidays and I felt the remorse of thinking money mattered more.

So, finally something has been done, and I decided to test things out, maybe ppl could cover for me, maybe I could find a reasonably priced ticket home...AND I DID---> Do you see why I feel the love of God? I think I know what's best for me and my life only to constantly find out how wrong I am. I did not feel that I deserved to go home, I mean, I chose this path, yet Heavenly Father knows that being with my family really means more to me than I realized and through his mercy and grace helped me find the way to go home. Through kind people who will sub for me and a loving Mother who is helping me out, I have a ticket home and will make it on Christmas Eve. And, even before getting that ticket, I have felt his love and comfort by giving me the means to stay in a comfortable way....but I chose to leave :D

To all those who are having a hard time making a choice, perhaps between work and being home with your kids or an amazingly fancy job that will take you away from your kids....or if maybe you are trying to decide what is best for you, your family, your future, remember that money does buy a lot and gives security, but what really matters most are those with whom you share your love and memories. If it takes away from those important teaching moments in life, if it keeps you from building a relationship with those who matter most to you, think twice. The Spirit will help you know what is right and wrong. Here is a video that continuously popped into my mind these last few days:

I am so ready to see my Mom, make a gingerbread house and home-made Italian meatballs with my Dad, fight with my brothers, and play with our dogs-- all this so we can remember our Savior together. I love how He always brings families together. <3 Virginia, here I come...<3

My Telenovela of A Life

Buenas noches. (Just a heads up, the 2 videos at the end of this blog are worth watching if you'd like to laugh or judge me, you pick, just don't skip over them!).


Just the Way You Are is playing in the background as I sit at my dark wood kitchen table adorned with newspapers from the painting that occurred yesterday, and not just any painting mind you but play dough painting...my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree needs decorations and as much as I want to buy all the decorations I could with a nice theme and all, i realize that my heart is more willing than my wallet. Play dough ornaments bring back amazing memories of my childhood and our ghetto 80's made play dough decorations my brothers made before I was born and how every year that I can remember opening the tins and bins to decorate the tree, i would always come across them...nothing beats something hand-made. 


Since finals have ended life has continued to be busier than ever, except now I do not feel guilty for not making time to read, ah, the bliss of not cracking a book (not all truth but let's go with it)!


These last few days are the reason why I say that my life is truly like a telenovela. It has consisted of me getting a massage... from a male therapist when I distinctly asked for a female -->awkwardly uncomfortable and embarrassing <--, shopping all day in my pajamas, going up to Salt Lake to see the lights only to ditch that and go to studio 600 instead to dance...only to dance most of the night with a drunk man with whom I had a heart-t0-heart with about his life and his goals and future ambitions. I found out that I have a secret admirer, I have a car for the rest of the year, I became a ventriloquist and watched the beyond cheesiest movie ever made at the dollar theater with Liva today. PHEW. Did you survive that paragraph? My goodness, I don't know if I did...


(this cheerio face depicts my feelings)

I honestly want to just forget about the massage...it was a b*day treat from a friend to go to the school...it just shows how ironic my life is. She asked for a female therapist and then a few minutes later I realized her genius and went to request the same thing, only to have the lady in charge to ignore my request because Sterling approached me and the incredibly intelligent person that I am didn't voice my feelings. I spent the next 30 minutes figuring out how to de*robe and how to convince myself to relax since I put myself in the mess. I got a free water bottle, a mint, and an old man creaming my back in exchange. ewies. 


Fast-forwarding a day to Studio 600 in Salt Lake:


Dances are fun yet they never change. I blame my thirst for this experience. Standing by the wall with Sascha and Iriving I decided it was time to quench my thirst and get a drink from the water fountain about 7 steps away. As I stood straight after slumping over to drink from the arch of the water the man to my right said something pointing to the water fountain. 


"Huh?"


Charlie Brown's teacher's waa waaa voice registered and I had no idea what he said but by his body movement something happened with the water fountain. I broke it because the water didn't stop coming out. 


He said more things to me of which I didn't understand. Then I think I understood...


"Quiere bailar?" You want to dance? (I was repeating what I thought he said)


Yup--i figured out the mystery. Sure, why not. 

He reminded me of Bill Cosby because after I answered his questions, ones such as..."Where are you from"...then I'd answer: "I''m from Virginia, D.C. area"...that's when I'd get that interesting face to the right which clued me in to the idea that Alvaro wasn't quite alright upstairs. This question and answer including "the face" continued during this dance episode. 


He smelled funny and I knew he was drinking before coming to dance and when the opportunity was right and when I felt that I could be more direct without offending him I asked Alvaro if he had doing that...I got the Bill Cosby face...the answer was yes. He honestly did not scare me or frighten me, in fact he was quite the respectful man, who happened to smell like stinky and who made funny faces. 


Somehow him with all his respect decided to be quite direct and proceeded to tell me that he needed a good girl to help him quit drinking, aka ME...and that he liked the way I think and just the same 'ol lines he probably gives to every girl who he dances with that doesn't bow out early. But, I have to say that I hope our conversation was something he took to heart to change his life. A 32 year old man who's wife left him and who has an 11 year old daughter who's Daddy is a drunk and who wants to quit just doesn't know how is someone who is more than just a drunk man on the dance floor. Every person has their background and their, to them, unresolvable problems.  We talked about God, the role God has in his life and why he should make the appropriate changes in his life. He kept insisting that I give him my phone number so that we could be friends with the intention of me being his "novia"...and that's when I asked him lots of questions of why he wants to quit and for who and did all I could to help him see that a woman can't do what the Lord can, with all his abounding love and with the help of the Savior lives can really change permanently. I felt, at the end of it all, quit blessed to have been able to dance with Alvaro, I hope that he gets his act together and can be there for those who need him. I won't hear from him again but  I hope his life goes well.


changing subjects, my favorite part:


Man, so much has happened during these few days. I wanted to get into the ventriloquist story but I will just put the videos instead--they do all the talking. Liva took me to this store today that had puppets inside and ginormous stuffed animals--stuffed dinosaurs even! I couldn't help but try being a ventriloquist. Enjoy!

Me testing out the life of a ventriloquist...it is quite addicting...

                                            I convinced Liva into making a video with me...people kept coming                       near us and disturbed the video-making. I really want a puppet for Christmas. Maybe I didn't play enough as a child? :)