I had decided months ago that I should stick around Provo and make the money at work which is a blessing and a half to say the least...but...we all worry about money, income, bills, rent, you name it we worry about it. I, sad to say, am not much different from the rest of the world, although sometimes I think I am. So, I decided that I'd stay and make the money save up for next semester's tuition and sacrifice in that way. When I'd vocalize my Christmas plans I'd always get a "ew, I can't believe I am staying" thought/feeling but would try to cover up the disappointment with a slightly positive remark after, "It'll be okay, i'll be busy". Ew. Who am I kidding? The Lord continued to take care of me, though.
I'd have to walk to and from every destination, being without groceries and without a car is LAME. One of the most amazing girls I have met this semester from Italy named Giulia -- has the best accent ever, mind you....well, she let me borrow her car and I've been feelin' blessed in that way as well. At least being here in town while everyone else is with their families, I get to go wherever I want when I want. I've visited: Wal*mart, Deseret Book, and Little Cesar's pizza....go me.
My lovely Mother...every time we have talked on the phone and texted for the last month has asked me to come home and I would always respond with, "Mom, I want to but I have all these shifts, it'll be impossible for them to be covered with such late notice", she said she understood and then I'd realize that I did this to myself...
Hearing Christmas songs when you won't go home is like putting salt on a slug...the reaction? Your insides come out...it just doesn't help. I'll Be Home for Christmas...*sigh* I finally realized last night driving around (with Giulia's lovely car--thank you mucho) how money is not worth it. Nothing is worth more than family during the holidays and I felt the remorse of thinking money mattered more.
So, finally something has been done, and I decided to test things out, maybe ppl could cover for me, maybe I could find a reasonably priced ticket home...AND I DID---> Do you see why I feel the love of God? I think I know what's best for me and my life only to constantly find out how wrong I am. I did not feel that I deserved to go home, I mean, I chose this path, yet Heavenly Father knows that being with my family really means more to me than I realized and through his mercy and grace helped me find the way to go home. Through kind people who will sub for me and a loving Mother who is helping me out, I have a ticket home and will make it on Christmas Eve. And, even before getting that ticket, I have felt his love and comfort by giving me the means to stay in a comfortable way....but I chose to leave :D
To all those who are having a hard time making a choice, perhaps between work and being home with your kids or an amazingly fancy job that will take you away from your kids....or if maybe you are trying to decide what is best for you, your family, your future, remember that money does buy a lot and gives security, but what really matters most are those with whom you share your love and memories. If it takes away from those important teaching moments in life, if it keeps you from building a relationship with those who matter most to you, think twice. The Spirit will help you know what is right and wrong. Here is a video that continuously popped into my mind these last few days:
I am so ready to see my Mom, make a gingerbread house and home-made Italian meatballs with my Dad, fight with my brothers, and play with our dogs-- all this so we can remember our Savior together. I love how He always brings families together. <3 Virginia, here I come...<3
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