Today I found myself re-evaluating my life. I have no conclusion for the swarm of ideas that entered into my mind but I am brainstorming.
What are your thoughts about dreams? Perhaps my day of reflection came from how I woke up. I never say I had a nightmare, but I will say that I had a bad dream. One decision affected my entire happiness or lack thereof.
I saw myself in the temple kneeling at the altar about to be sealed for time and all eternity to a man. I did not know who he was, I did not see a face--which is already sort of freaky but makes sense since I'm not dating anyone. An idea crossed my mind of who it was but it entered and left as ideas usually do. As I dreamt I felt as thought it was real and then at other moments I felt like I was watching, standing behind myself, in the very same room. I do not recall the exact words that were spoken, but, I remember my feelings. There came a moment where I could exercise my agency and make it known that I changed my mind, that "no" I do not want this...and the feeling reconfirmed itself and it said, "Diana, no, this is not right". For a second I thought about it...and then I told myself that it would be okay, and I ignored my feeling. The second after I affirmatively consented to this eternal union and after the ceremony was over I knew with 100% surety that I had made the biggest mistake of my existence and did not know if there was something I could do to change what occurred.
From that point of my dream on it went through more emotions and scenarios but the bottom line is that I woke up grateful I am not close to that kind of decision, but, do hope that when that time to marry becomes a reality that I will have no doubts or such feelings and that I will feel nothing but peace and hope in the decision made.
Today I have been analyzing my life and had some interesting experiences. I watched the you tube videos on my wall about the man who truly experienced what we watched in the movie The Pursuit of Happyness. He made me re-evaluate myself because during his darkest days he constantly asked himself where he was going to be and where he was going. Today I've been thinking about what I want for myself. I listened to Elder Christoffersen's talk, he is an apostle of God, and his talk is called, Living a Consecrated Life. Life is short and we given the gift of time and the ability to use it how we will but we will be held accountable for how we use it. I started to think, What are you going to do with your life? How are you going to do it? How are you going to get there?
I know the purpose of life and the eternal perspective because my Heavenly Father made it known to me through his church--The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but, what I refer to as in how I will live my life is about the quality of my earthly existence and trying to make sure and reflecting how I will use the time the Lord gives me on this earth until I will be judged for my works to be able to live with him someday. I want to use the time the Lord gives me well and not waste it and I do not want to look back and regret not building my talents and not using my time well. Opportunities are out there but so many loose them.
There are things I will be doing to give more of myself to a better cause. Here are my conclusions up 'til now:
-Start working on a writing project. I love to write. I have had dreams where I have written a book and maybe that's what I need to do, but, for now, I will write a biography of a woman that I truly look up to and admire. Her life has been character building and admirable and I know that there are not many people like her. It is my Mom.
- I need to volunteer somewhere. I have 3 options in mind and I am working toward figuring out where I will be giving my time
I will be working full-time this summer all I know that I need to do is look beyond myself and find and do what is required of me.
There are tons of other things but I need to think more about them. I'm pretty exhausted. I'm blogged out.
What are your thoughts about dreams? Perhaps my day of reflection came from how I woke up. I never say I had a nightmare, but I will say that I had a bad dream. One decision affected my entire happiness or lack thereof.
I saw myself in the temple kneeling at the altar about to be sealed for time and all eternity to a man. I did not know who he was, I did not see a face--which is already sort of freaky but makes sense since I'm not dating anyone. An idea crossed my mind of who it was but it entered and left as ideas usually do. As I dreamt I felt as thought it was real and then at other moments I felt like I was watching, standing behind myself, in the very same room. I do not recall the exact words that were spoken, but, I remember my feelings. There came a moment where I could exercise my agency and make it known that I changed my mind, that "no" I do not want this...and the feeling reconfirmed itself and it said, "Diana, no, this is not right". For a second I thought about it...and then I told myself that it would be okay, and I ignored my feeling. The second after I affirmatively consented to this eternal union and after the ceremony was over I knew with 100% surety that I had made the biggest mistake of my existence and did not know if there was something I could do to change what occurred.
From that point of my dream on it went through more emotions and scenarios but the bottom line is that I woke up grateful I am not close to that kind of decision, but, do hope that when that time to marry becomes a reality that I will have no doubts or such feelings and that I will feel nothing but peace and hope in the decision made.
Today I have been analyzing my life and had some interesting experiences. I watched the you tube videos on my wall about the man who truly experienced what we watched in the movie The Pursuit of Happyness. He made me re-evaluate myself because during his darkest days he constantly asked himself where he was going to be and where he was going. Today I've been thinking about what I want for myself. I listened to Elder Christoffersen's talk, he is an apostle of God, and his talk is called, Living a Consecrated Life. Life is short and we given the gift of time and the ability to use it how we will but we will be held accountable for how we use it. I started to think, What are you going to do with your life? How are you going to do it? How are you going to get there?
I know the purpose of life and the eternal perspective because my Heavenly Father made it known to me through his church--The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but, what I refer to as in how I will live my life is about the quality of my earthly existence and trying to make sure and reflecting how I will use the time the Lord gives me on this earth until I will be judged for my works to be able to live with him someday. I want to use the time the Lord gives me well and not waste it and I do not want to look back and regret not building my talents and not using my time well. Opportunities are out there but so many loose them.There are things I will be doing to give more of myself to a better cause. Here are my conclusions up 'til now:
-Start working on a writing project. I love to write. I have had dreams where I have written a book and maybe that's what I need to do, but, for now, I will write a biography of a woman that I truly look up to and admire. Her life has been character building and admirable and I know that there are not many people like her. It is my Mom.
- I need to volunteer somewhere. I have 3 options in mind and I am working toward figuring out where I will be giving my time
I will be working full-time this summer all I know that I need to do is look beyond myself and find and do what is required of me.
There are tons of other things but I need to think more about them. I'm pretty exhausted. I'm blogged out.
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